Monday, June 1, 2015

Warning : Rant Within

I'm not sure why, but recently I have zero motivation for life. I've been struggling to turn on the computer to blog, to go to the gym or to even make an effort with friends. I've felt that I've been under soo much pressure to make soo many people happy and live up to their expectations of me and to do things for others that I've forgotten to look after myself.

I haven't painted my nails in about 3 weeks, I've cut myself a million times shaving my legs because I've felt like I've needed to rush and I've been driving myself crazy with growing to do lists that are just physically impossible to reach the end of. 

I'm a massive over - thinker. I always think the worst, plan, plan and plan some more but whilst I'm planning and worrying, I never actually stop to appreciate life. 

And I'm sick of it.

I need to give myself a break. 

If I don't blog I feel like I'm letting my readers down.

If I don't go to the gym, I know someone will be shaking their head and judging me. 

If I decide to have a bar of chocolate, I'll get a comment like 'I thought you were on a diet?'

If a friend asks me to meet, I'll feel bad that all I want to do is go home and rest, so I'll go out anyway and resent them for it.

Life shouldn't be like this.

I'm 25. I shouldn't be feeling like all I'm doing is going through the motions, with no real end goal. I should be doing exactly what I want to do, not being afraid of saying No, or attempting to get my own way. 

So writing this down is the opportunity for me to get things off my chest, wipe a slate clean and get myself back on track. 

I used to not give a shit about what people think about me and just live life the way I wanted to, and I want to go back to that. I'm going to try and block out all of the judgmental bull that I hear from people and get on with my own expectations of me. 

I want to be creating great content for my blog, instead of whacking out 3 OK posts a week for the sake of it. So if things get abit sporadic over in these parts, Its only because I want to do the best for you guys.

I already feel abit better after writing all of this down, and inspired to start this week with a positive mind.

Sorry for the rant, but sometimes it's the best thing to do.

Are there any posts you'd like to see on the blog? I'm going to be mixing it up abit soon with new content and fresh ideas.

Thanks for sticking around. 

Love, Emma

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